We have a date!  My lymph node dissection surgery (RPLND) is scheduled for Wednesday, August 8th at the University of Iowa Hospital in Iowa City.  This will be the beginning of my second extended period of time off of work this year albeit not as long as the first stint (chemo).  I’ll be off at least four weeks this time around.  This time instead of dealing with nausea and mouth sores it will be abdominal pain while my digestive system gets back on track and learning how to move around while my incision heals.  

I’m dreading the procedure but looking forward to being done!  One can’t happen without the other so I have been working on managing the anxiety I have toward this major surgery.  For a few evenings, I found myself unable to take my focus away from how challenging the procedure and recovery could be.  I was running through all of the worst case scenarios over and over.  That thought process scared me a bit because it isn’t how I operate.  I can't remember being stuck in a cycle like that before.  

Luckily, I have the best support system to lean on.  In this case, I dropped in on a friend and received the exact advice that I needed.  The advice was to only think about the next step in the process.  Don’t spend any time thinking about the thing after that -- laser focus on what’s next.  In my case, it was getting FMLA and short term disability primed just in case the date was moved up.  Don’t think about the procedure or recovery. Just think about getting disability and FMLA set up. Nothing more.  

That simple shift in my focus combined with the ‘noting’ technique I’ve been practicing during my daily meditation have made all the difference in the world for me.  It hasn’t changed the fact that I’m dreading the procedure but it’s given me control over what I spend my time thinking and worrying about.  Being anxious about the procedure and recovery is normal. It is a big deal. The fact that I couldn’t stop my mind from running wild was the problem. 

So, here we go.  The next step is to drive to Iowa City on Tuesday evening and check into a hotel. That doesn't seem so scary.