Hello, Everyone! 

Sorry for the radio silence over the last week or so.  I have to admit that the first week of chemo impacted me much more than I was anticipating.  The five consecutive days of treatment compounded the side effects. By the end of the week we were pretty close to having the nausea under control enough for me to eat cold roast turkey breast sandwiches on wheat with a little mayo.  There wasn’t much else that I could stand the smell of.  I was also very tired.  I would try to sleep through treatment for four to five hours each day (9ish - 1 or 2pm) and then took a nap once I made it home.  Poor Ashley spent the week taking care of me, helping to make sure I woke up to take the anti-nausea meds that were prescribed and then trying to figure out how to make herself some food that didn’t taste like cardboard without filling the house with delicious smells that my body decided to reject.  Even the smell of fresh brewed coffee turned my stomach.  

Even coffee. It was like nothing that I’ve ever experienced.

The other thing that happened can best be described as my brain going into damage control. It felt like it was shutting down or at least hibernating.  All I could think about was the present.  How I was feeling, what I thought I needed to feel better, how Ashley was holding up, if there was anything that I should try differently during tomorrow’s treatment, etc. I had almost zero curiosity, ability to focus, or interest in what I would normally consider fun conversation.  I couldn’t make it through any of my favorite podcasts without losing interest, I couldn’t watch TV shows, movies, or listen to audio books. For the first time in my life I was content to stare at the ceiling in a quiet room. It was bizarre. 

Oh yeah, there were mouth sores and crazy restless legs (from all of the steroids) that showed up over the weekend. Both were gone by Monday.

The Good News

The nausea subsided on Tuesday and the fatigue is getting better. I still require a lot of rest but at least I can research things online while laying down and I can watch movies. My brain started coming back yesterday (Wednesday).  I started having ideas again!  Now you should all focus your sympathy and offers to help on Ashley.  She will need all of the support she can get as I get my mind straightened out.  Still, I have a lot fragmented thoughts and a bit of trouble focusing on a single thought for more than a few minutes at a time.  Lots of rapid fire, weird, big, small, and straight-up dumb ideas will be flying her way over the next few days.  Yesterday, I proposed building an addition on the house, ordering a new print for our gallery wall, refinancing the house, taking a big trip, buying 10 of the same shirt so I can just wear the same damn thing everyday, and paying off the last of my student loans all in about 30 minutes. 

Something That Has Been Helpful

Headspace.  It’s a mindfulness meditation app that I subscribed to back in May or June of last year.  The app provides quick 10 or 15 minute guided meditation exercises that help me take a step back and clear out all of the noise. They have a set of guided meditation sessions that are built for people who have cancer. They have been fantastic!  Even at the toughest points last week, I was able to meditate (with mixed levels of success depending on the day).  If you’ve been looking for a way to calm the eff down or center yourself in the morning before starting your day, I highly recommend it.  There are meditation packs focused around all kinds of activities from athletic training to creativity and productivity.  Here is a link to their website.  Get your mind right.  If you’d prefer that I send you an invite, just let me know in the comments.